"Sólo guardas tinieblas, hembra distante y mía,
de tu mirada emerge a veces la costa del espanto."

Friday morning I woke up around eight (I don't have class on Fridays) and had quite a breakfast conversation. I'm not even sure now how it got started, but I certainly wasn't alert enough at 8ish with my banana and toast to have a discussion on Pinochet. You see, General Augusto Pinochet took control of the Chilean government in 1973 on September 11. His controversial leadership lasted until 1990. For a quick overview of Pinochet, check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinochet

The point is that he's a controversial figure because his regime killed and tortured multitudes of people who opposed him. I'm going to try and keep my thoughts about this out of the blog because the truth is my perspective about Pinochet comes from a far. I'm not Chilean, and I can only imagine what it would have been like, the lives and the deaths effected on both sides, I am only a spectator, so maybe I'm not ready to know what I think about Pinochet's regime-

so, with all that awkwardly said,

Berti was telling me how she was angry that the current government had refused to recognize Pinochet's death in December. Don't even ask me how we got on this topic cuz heck if I know, but I don't think I had fully realized until this moment where the family politically stood. So, I was trying not to ask any questions because talking about Pinochet here is like talking about what we should do in Iraq--so I was trying to listen to whatever she gave me, to soak it in.

She described to me how Allende's government (the democratically elected socialist president that was in power when Pinochet's coup took control) was corrupt-there weren't any markets-People (I guess the government) could come into your home at any time and take whatever they wanted.

She told me that Pinochet was begged by a large amount of people to take on the government-that they wanted him to fight for the injustices that they were experiencing.

She said she was sad for all those who had had loved ones disappear, but that that those who had disaappeared weren't angels. She also said that many people had taken advantage of the situation in order to get money from the government for their "lost loved ones." (I'm not really familiar with what sort of recompensations the government has given to family members, so I wasn't really familiar with this situation) She also said that when Pinochet was in power the economy sky-rocketed, and that they felt happy and safe. They were never afraid.

all this was really interesting to me, it's just a perspective that I've never heard, and I am still soaking it in.

Then she said something that may seem simple to you, but I'm still chewing on it:

She said--(referring to the disappeared ones) "It was a war, and like in every war, there were winners and losers."

in every war there are winners and losers

war, winners and losers

losers

ok, I know it's not a hard concept, but seriously. . .

all i could think about was:

(this totally stolen from Wikipedia)
Gandhi's definition of Satyagraha relied on three basic tenets: satya or truth, implying openness, honesty, and fairness; ahimsa, meaning physical and mental non-violence; and tapasya, literally penance, in this context self-sacrifice.

In Gandhi's words:
“ In the application of Satyagraha, I discovered, in the earliest stages, that pursuit of Truth did not admit of violence being inflicted on one's opponent, but that he must be weaned from error by patience and sympathy. For, what appears to be truth to the one may appear to be error to the other. And patience means self-suffering. So the doctrine came to mean vindication of Truth, not by infliction of suffering on the opponent but one's own self."

Winners and Losers

Losers.


___________________________________________

About two days ago, for the first time I felt a little lonely here (don't get me wrong I of course miss my family and friends tremendously). Since I arrived here I've been so excited and happy all the time, surrounded by people and constantly thinking,

and two days ago there was like a moment, when everything lost, only for about ten minutes, its newness. You know what I mean? and suddenly, I was walking in the park and looking at the couples EVERYWHERE, I mean come on people, do parks have signs that say "pda welcome: please come lay in the grass and canoozle"? NO. they don't. I mean I'm totally happy that you're in LUV and it's almost el dia del amor, but anyways. . .I got a little lonely when I almost tripped over a couple in the park. they're everywhere. This is a city full of couples. ahhhhhh. ok, I'm done.

that's about as long as it lasted, then I snapped out of it and realized, thinking back quickly over the last past couple of my boyfriends,
that I am way cooler single.

and then it was over.

I had a chance to speak with Enzo, the other son who lives and works in Miami. He messaged me to check and see how everything was going and whether or not I was enjoying my time with his family. It turned out to be a really entertaining conversation. His perspective is really interesting too. He really loves the united states. He believes that the United States is a place where if you work hard enough you can obtain any goal, you know-the american dream and all, but

I don't know, that's just not true, is it? for some, of course, but not everyone.

where is the tipping point? is there a certain level of education or determination that one needs to acheive this "dream." I mean come on, I read _The Working Poor_. There are tons of people in the US that work their pants off making minimum wage or less are are still barely surviving, if you call that surviving.

It's just. . . strange. He says we're sharing countries. He went there looking for something he couldn't find here, and I came here looking for . . . umm. . .

words, friends, new trees, poetry, yellow ice cream??? hmmm-

speaking of food, friday and saturday my stomach was feeling a little off, you know nothing gross or anything, just a little rumbly- a little uncomfortable, and all I kept thinking my stomach was saying me, "yeah, yeah, all this healthy stuff is great and all. . . but don't we get any pizza here????"

It's funny. You may not want to know this, but my smell is different here. the smell that just sort of seeps through your skin-you know how people sometimes tell you you have a distinctive smell?? ok, ha. maybe it's just me. not a smell in any gross or funky way. I guess you never know you really even have a smell coming out of your pores until it changes. And it really isn't better or worse, just different. must be just different nutrients or something. ok, I guess maybe you didn't want to know that??? ha. sorry, but it's interesting right?

jokes on me, though because last night Gianni and I were in the middle of our Lost marathon (he bought season 1 and 2 on ebay and I've only seen season 3--and no Dad, I don't just watch tv here). . . anyways, we were in the middle of our marathon when I said something about missing pizza, and he was like "you like dominoes?"

and I was like "si"

and he was like "you want some?"

and I was like totally.

I only ate two pieces and this morning I felt like there were a group of small cement men having a hopscotch tournament in my stomach.

I think I'll stick with the plums.

I promise if you keep reading there will be some pictures.

Ok, this is the perfect time to say: holy crap did you see greys???? I know I'm in a different country and that I talk an awful lot about Greys in my blog, but

Holy Crap did you see greys???? okk, well if you did-then, let's have a moment.

ok. thanks.

I had to right an essay on two short stories for my class tomorrow, and I, of course, procrastinated [haven't figured out how to translate that into spanish yet] all weekend, but I finished it earlier this evening.

Yesterday, I tried to make no-bake cookies, you know with oatmeal and chocolate? the most delicious things in the world, right? and they only take max about ten minutes to make, and they have oatmeal in them, so they are totally half healthy.

So anyways, I mix up all the ingredients-but the mixture just wasn't looking right, and then after they were all done-they definitely looked off. so, i tried them and it was so bad I wanted to wash my mouth out with soap.

and I was stooped. I couldn't figure out what went wrong. I felt like a failure. gringa tries to cook again and we get poisonous cookies.

then I started washing the pot and everything, and gimena looked over at the sugar container that I was washing, and she started laughing.

salt! You used the salt instead of the sugar, she told me.

brilliant, bloody brilliant, Meredith.

they've been laughing at me since then, but It's alright

I don't care--because the second batch turned out brilliantly.

salt. salty oatmeally chocolate cookies, yuck.

I got a new phone yesterday. ha. that's right I'm in another country, and I have a cell phone. Look:













































ha.ha.

pretty sweet, huh?

if you have an international calling card handy and you're feeling chatty:

you can contact me at: 011 56 96114800

Here are some pictures I took while we were driving around randomly throughout the city:


































































Sooo. . . today Berti and I went to the pool. She has a membership through her old company. There weren't many people out and we took in the sun and swam for several hours. Here's some pictures of the place:
























































































































This is about a close a picture as you're going to get of me in my swimsuit.






Everything was grand except for all the ant action. And I told Berti ahead of time that no matter How Much sunscreen I slathered all over every inch of my body, there would be random burn splotches in odd and comical places on my body. And sure enough there are about three leopard like square/triangle spots on my arm, a biggish ugly patch on the top of my right foot and a smaller square quarter sized spot on my left foot, a small dot around my belly button. ha ha isn't it funny, once again I look a little freakish. ahh, it adds character.

alright, I'm super tired. I promise I'm still working on my postcards. I'm going to try and send some tomorrow.

"You guard only darkness, my distant female,
sometimes the coast of dread emerges from your stare."

Hope you and yours are safe and happy,

una aurora,
mere

English and Spanish below:

Inclinado en las tardes

Inclinado en las tardes tiro mis tristes redes
a tus ojos oceánicos.

Allí se estira y arde en la más alta hoguera
mi soledad que da vueltas los brazos como un náufrago.

Hago rojas señales sobre tus ojos ausentes
que olean como el mar a la orilla de un faro.

Sólo guardas tinieblas, hembra distante y mía,
de tu mirada emerge a veces la costa del espanto.

Inclinado en las tardes echo mis tristes mis redes
a ese mar que sacude tus ojos oceánicos.

Los pájaros nocturnos picotean las primeras estrellas
que centellean como ni alma cuando te amo.

Galopa la noche en su yegua sombría
desparramando espigas azules sobre el campo.

Leaning into the evenings

Leaning into the evenings I throw my sad net
to your ocean eyes.

There my loneliness stretches and burns in the tallest bonfire,
arms twisting like a drowning man’s.

I cast red signals over your absent eyes
which lap like the sea at the lighthouse shore.

You guard only darkness, my distant female,
sometimes the coast of dread emerges from your stare.

Leaning into the evenings I toss my sad nets
to that sea which stirs your ocean eyes.

The night birds peck at the first stars
that twinkle like my soul as I love you.

Night gallops on her shadowy mare
scattering blue wheat stalks over the fields.